Yitian Ma: The Idea of Not Wearing Makeup Makes Me Feel Insecure

When I first heard about the Honest You project, I became interested in it because I think it is a topic related to me and every woman who wears makeup daily.

My journey of makeup is quite typical. When I was a little girl, I used to play with my mother’s cosmetics and put makeup on my little sister. Of course, it had nothing to do with beauty but simply for fun.

Later on, I went to university in China. There were six girls living in the same dormitory. You know, when girls live together, they just cannot stop talking about makeup, and that was the first time that I really got involved with this topic and got to know some beauty products.

Strangely, I found that when I am wearing makeup, some classmates or friends would say to me like ‘Oh, I like your mascara’ or ‘I like your makeup and your foundation looks so good’ and something like that. I felt confused about whether I only look good with makeup or whether some people like me more than usual when I am wearing makeup. Since then, I started paying more attention to my appearance and basically wear makeup every day, which makes me feel more confident.

At the same time, I feel not quite comfortable because I do not think it is very healthy. I consider makeup as a burden to my skin, especially in summer. I have got some skin problems such as acne and pimples on my face, so wearing makeup sometimes just makes it worse. Then I thought to myself that maybe I should stop wearing makeup, which is probably a good thing for my skin. But if I stop, people will see the acne and pores. They will see the acne scars and redness on my face. This kind of idea makes me feel insecure. I don’t want people to think that I have a poor skin condition. I don’t want them to think that my skin is awful. It is kind of a struggle, and the struggle is still going on.

I am hesitant when considering about going out with my bare face because I am still worrying about other people’s opinions of me. Sometimes I try to do this: every time when I feel insecure, I ask myself whether I have ever judged one person simply because of what he or she looks like. The answer is definitely NO and I think any reasonable people would choose not to do that. In this way, I am trying to be more comfortable of accepting and being myself.

However, deep in my mind, I do agree that there is no such thing as a real beauty standard, because beauty can be in all kinds of forms. Freckles, I think freckles are beautiful. I think it is exactly those special details on you face that make who you are.

Yitian Ma Bio

*This article is based on an interview with Yitian Ma on December 19th, 2016.

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